The question is this – how do you find someone who will be able to help YOU? There are many different reasons why you might seek a counselor; depending on the reason, you may need to find a therapist that has special training and experience in infertility.
When looking for the right counselor to work with, be sure to keep the following in mind:
Ask for Recommendations
Check with your physician, your OB/GYN, or your reproductive specialist. Even if your doctor hasn’t recommended that you seek help from a counselor, he/she most likely will be a fine resource for finding a local counselor who has experience with infertility.
Make Sure the Therapist Is Licensed
While this may seem obvious, there is a definite difference between a trained therapist and what’s known as an “infertility coach” or “infertility consultant.” If you’re struggling with anxiety and depression, or if your doctor requires that you see a therapist, you need someone who is a licensed mental health professional. You should look for someone with a graduate degree in an area of mental health, such as psychology or social work, and make sure that he or she has a license to practice in your state.
Make Sure the Therapist Is Educated in Infertility Issues
If you’re seeking a counselor to help deal with the emotional issues only, you may or may not need someone with special training in infertility counseling. You may find it more beneficial, however, to seek help from someone who has expertise in infertility counseling. If you need to see a counselor because your doctor requires you to see someone before a particular treatment, or if you are struggling with options and decisions, then you absolutely need someone with special training.
Oftentimes, women will seek counseling assistance regarding available options and decision-making. Finding a therapist who is knowledgeable about reproductive medicine is important because you will want someone who can explain options in a non-biased way. Most of the time, a therapist with specialized infertility knowledge will share information in an educational style or format. At that point, they will help you process the information presented, so you can make decisions regarding which treatment option feels right for you.
Interview and Ask Questions
Before you start working with a therapist, ask detailed questions about his/her training, services, and experience. It will be extremely important that the counselor you choose is someone you feel comfortable talking to and working with.
Make a list of questions before your initial consultation. You might include some of the following questions on your list:
- Do you have specialized training in infertility? Are you knowledgeable about the medical side of infertility?
- What experience do you have with infertility, professionally or even personally?
- Do you have any clients who are dealing with infertility?
- Would you be willing to write up a report for my fertility doctor? (This may be required by your doctor.)
- After sharing your reasons for seeking a counselor, be sure to ask him/her if they think they can help you.
If It’s Not Working, Don’t Be Afraid To Find Someone Else
In order for the relationship with a therapist to work well, the therapist should provide a safe environment for you to share your thoughts and feelings about your infertility journey. A safe and understanding environment gives you a chance to work through your feelings and to understand why you feel that way, so you can determine how you want to move forward. A therapist is not going to make your decisions for you; they
will not tell you whether or not you should go with IVF, use donor eggs, or move on to adoption. The therapist’s role is to help you express your needs, concerns, emotions, and goals, and further clarify your thoughts.
You will want a therapist who will help you to feel empowered to make decisions, but certainly not one who makes you feel like they are judging the decisions you make. If you do not feel comfortable with your therapist or if you do not feel like the patient/therapist relationship is working for you, you can always make the decision to end the connection. Know that sometimes, it just doesn’t work out and you can find a therapist that will help you in a way that is meaningful and works well for you.